18 Candles and a Box of Ridiculous Wisdom: A Satirical Guide to Outdressing Your Doubts and Dancing Past Adulthood
By Anna Naveed
2024-02-25
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First off, wear those polka dot pants with the neon shirt.
- Fashion Faux Pas is a Myth: First off, wear those polka dot pants with the neon shirt. Spoiler alert: nobody cares. And if they do, congratulations, you're the avant-garde Picasso of 21st-century street fashion.
- The Great Opinion Heist: Guess what? The bank of public opinion pays awful interest rates. So, stop depositing your worries there. Invest your cares in something with better returns, like that start-up idea about socks for chairs.
- The Self-Doubt Circus: Remember that time you doubted yourself? Yeah, neither does anyone else. Your brain is a reality-distorting, funhouse mirror. Don’t trust it; it's the same brain that thinks you can pull an all-nighter before an exam.
- Love's Not a Competitive Sport: Spoiler: Heartbreak doesn't come with lifelong season tickets. It’s more like a dodgy fairground ride – unpleasant, but eventually, it stops, and you get off with a funny story.
- Play Your Own Game: Playing small to fit in? That's like using a smartphone as a paperweight. You wouldn't dim your phone's brightness just because it's shining in the blind spot of someone who's not looking, would you?
- Embrace Your Edges: Those sharp corners of your personality? They're not elf shoes; don't curl them to fit in. They're your signature, like Batman's ears. Without them, you're just a rich guy in a snug-fitting bat-themed onesie.
- The People Paradox: Newsflash – people don't matter, except when they do. But by the time you figure out which is which, you'll also realize your high school nemesis is just a person who's oddly passionate about spreadsheets now.
- Adventures Await, RSVP 'Yes': That adventure trip you're nervous about? In the future, the closest you get to adventure might be choosing 'spicy' at a fast-food chain. Pack your bags. Forget 'What if?' and embrace 'Why the heck not?'
- Social Gatherings Aren't Lava: Go to that party. Yes, you'll stand around awkwardly, but one day, you'll realize that everyone is too self-conscious about their own dance moves to notice yours. Unless you do the worm. Then all bets are off.
- The Time-Traveling Hotline: Lastly, if you ever get the chance to call your future self, don't ask for stock tips or sports scores. Ask if you're happy. That's the jackpot. If the answer is yes, hang up and keep doing you. If it's no, grab the nearest polka dots and start changing the game.Go ahead live your life, no matter what your age! Had I thought over these when I was 18, life would have been a lot kinder.